I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You pole danced in your parka.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
