i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
