If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
