So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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