this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
