He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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