wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
