Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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