the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
