"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
