And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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