everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
