how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
