How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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