That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I still have a little drunk in my system
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
