They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
