at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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