Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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