is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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