arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
