Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
one might say we're banned from that church
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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