I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
false alarm. still invincible.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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