I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
