I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
