i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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