In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
