Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
