Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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