After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize