every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
