There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
