Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We talked him into tasing himself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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