when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
