I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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