Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is Oprah even human
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
