Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
