In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
