Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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