Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
