Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
