I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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