You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
