i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
