So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)