was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo