Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Randomize
Follow @tfln