i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.