I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
