Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
