just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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