she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
