Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
