I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize