How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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