I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
