I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize