4 words: hood of his car
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
