when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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