It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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