Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
