During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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