I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
